nomad

i'm not in any depth of depravity as i write tonite.
but life has certainly changed for me again.
this year has been a huge year so far, come to think of it.
had eye surgery, which certainly changed my visual perspective of life! hehe
becoming a full time teacher.
and now a pretty cruel accident.

its weird, i really couldn't cope at school this week. i took today off school.
for a workaholic to take a day off really means something. i was just getting pretty screwed up. yesterday, i wanted to cry at anything and EVERYTHING. it was absolutely nuts.
the psychological trauma associated with accidents is pretty huge and totally underrated.

and tonite, i went out for the real first social thing i've done since the accident.
it was insightful. but not really.
everyones pretty self absorbed as usual. funny. well, not really. sad state for christians to be in.
friends who i thought cared about me, well, i feel as if i've learnt a little bit more bout my friendships over the past 2 weeks.

everything in this world seems different yet strangely familiar to me now. even the way i look at ppl. the way i smile. the way i feel. the way i interact.
coming so close to death has called my reality into check.
and i'm not sure bout it all anymore.

i'm not sure whats important. well. i am but i'm not.
and walking back into a teachers shoes on tuesday almost killed me. literally. i could not BELIEVE how much i do everyday. how much crap i put up with. how much interaction i have to do.
i guess it was eye opening because i was and still am recovering. i was using crutches wednesday, but can't be bothered with them now. its funny too, i go out, and i forget how much my body is still kinda screwed up. then i'll get home and remember, and suffer.i can walk properly when i go out, when i get home i'm limping again.

but truly, my body is getting better and amazingly so. but its funny how as the physical signs of injury disappear, ppl think ur ok. they can't see the bruises and swelling. so all assume i'm fine. and they can't see the train wreck of an accident thats occured inside.
anyway. don't know why i started writing this entry, so i'm gona stop! there is no real emotion that goes with this.